Friday, February 20, 2009

Wooh Hoo Weekend

It's my favourite time of the week again, not a lot planned this weekend other than gym in the morning and lunch with a girlfriend on Sunday, I'll get to meet her new man for the first time... Very happy for her as she has been single for quite some time..

I received a beautiful e-mail this morning from someone from my gym, so if your reading this..... THANK YOU

I'm booked to go to Melbourne on the 14th March to watch a the Pro Show that Doherty's Gym is putting together, so that will be fun... If anyone is going send me a message would love to catch up..... I'm also booking a holiday back to the Gold Coast at the end of March and beginning of April for 2 weeks, I'll stay with my little brother in Brisbane for a few days, he got drafted with the Brisbane Lyons and lives with 3 other AFL footballers so that will be interesting!!! Then I'll go and stay with a few of my friends that I met when I was up there. I'm then going to Melb to watch the Melb Title and cheer on my fellow Tasmanian's that are competing.

Something to look forward to in the next month, It'll be my supposed 2 year wedding anniversary on the 25th March and I'll be in Qld so a night out and a few drinks wont go astray that night I'm sure!!!

Have a great weekend everyone, be safe and have fun


Monday, February 16, 2009

Computer Finally!!!!!

I finally went and got a computer for home, now I have no life the net is going to become my new best friend.... I had a bad day yesterday, had a shrink appointment and her diagnosis for me was not good!!! I then felt so bad after paying the bill of $270.00 that I went on a shopping splurge and bought an Apple Mac..... As they say once you go Mac you wont go back!!!

I had 4 days of illness last week, an infected saliva gland!!!( WHO GETS THAT SHIT, no one, you would think you would have to be sucking face or something else with someone to get that ohh no not me!!!!.....) Nice, my face blew up like a blow fish and I couldn't eat for 4 days.... Any normal person would have lost weight, but ohh no not me again!!!

So my little black hole is still lurking around, I wish I could crawl out of it and be the girl I know is hiding somewhere...

People have talked to me about depression before in varying levels, and I couldn't understand how they felt.... I have always been such a positive person, people use to come to me for advice... Now I know how those people felt, there is a part of you that knows that the old you is in there somewhere, and it's so frustrating that day after day you still feel the same inside... Dead..

Competing in April is going on hold for now, maybe All Female Classics will be new goal... Get ME better first. My doc said the way I'm feeling will also not help with loosing those dreaded kg's I have let myself put on... So a happy me will also let my body become the old me....

I have come to the conclusion as to why I feel like I do... It stems from childhood and the rejection from my mother and the lack of interest in my life from my father, I don't blame my husband as I am happy that he is now getting from his girlfriend what I couldn't give him, but on the other hand the love, support, encouragement, friendship, the caring, the need I had to make him proud, the fun and companionship I got from Chris is what I have always longed for growing up and it's the first time in my whole life I have holey and soley loved and felt loved and needed by someone... Without that I'm lost. The fact that at the end of the day he didn't feel the same way in return, this is a rejection issue that has been re lived from growing up... I haven't dealt well with this issue, and have let myself fall in a hole and cant remember how to get out... I have great supportive friends, but at the end of the day, it comes down to me, my attitude towards things and the choice to think positively... I look at all those poor people who have lost everything in the Vic fires and also all the other horrible things that go on in the world, I know I have a great life, nice car, a nice house, a job, money in the bank my health and so on and so on.... It's not that I don't appreciate all of this it's just that I've lost my way a little.......

I'm still training cutting back weight training to 3 time a week and cardio is still at 6 times a week, I have to start enjoying things again and not have them feel like a chore.... The less pressure I put on myself at this point the better, I usually thrive on pressure but at the moment, baby steps to a healthier me....

I hope everyone is well and as I will have full Internet access at home next week these blogs will hopefully become more regular....

My new e-mail once it is set up is.... ukbeck@bigpond

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Another Day Down

59 days to go till I jump on stage!!! Holey shit, so much to do, where do I start... Picking a song.... mmmm well I've never been good at this my husband always chose my songs, I'll have to put the skates on and have a listen to a few that I like, I was thinking of doing one to just music no singing.... We'll see, I'm going to get one more use out of my last bikini as I loved it so much then get a new one for the Aussie and Olympia, that's if I qualify!!!!
Work suck ass at the moment, I bloody hate it... No news on the job I applied for but I'm still pushing to get a position with the new gym opening in May...
Last weekend I had my best friends hen's night, and this weekend is her wedding so I'm looking forward to that, I'm not going to be able to eat or drink so I'll just have to make sure my exceptional personality is switched on to make the most of the party without food or alcohol!!!!
Last weekend Alastair came down to visit, we had a lovely time together it was only a quick trip he went home on Monday morning. We went for a nice drive and had a BBQ with some friends... Diet is going amazingly well at the moment, and so is training, finally I'm in the zone... I have to be, no time to slack off or be eating bad food... It will be an interesting journey to say the least....

Train hard xx

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Countdown Time

As you can see I have added a countdown widget... So games on.... 8 weeks of pure hell for me!!!

Diet is going well but the scales don't like to budge, for me it takes weeks to start dropping the kg's but when it does it happens quickly...

I'm doing an hour of cardio and an hour of weights 6 days a week ATM, and watching what goes in the mouth very carefully. I'm getting a diet sent through to me very soon by my good friend Mr Alastair White... as he is kind enough to be helping me with my prep I have to pull out all stops to make him look good, that's him in the picture so no need to make him look much better but all the same must make him proud!!! He He

Anyway take care and train hard